A Man's Full Desire is Likely a 'Package Deal'
For a woman, finding a lover who is generous and often as a result, informed about the anatomy of female pleasure, is the golden, frosting-on-the-cake goal of her search; the piece de resistance. And yet, there can be pitfalls or outright dangers for a man who focuses almost exclusively on his partner's pleasure. It can easily contribute to the alienation of the full emotional repertoire of his masculinity. So often, men who are sensitive to (i.e., horrified by, ashamed of and wanting to distance themselves from) the predominance of masculine violence in the world, do not exercise the darker, necessary emotions that naturally accompany full-throttle desire and primal longing; the kind of feelings and beautiful impulses that have a man grab his woman during love making and thrust himself fully into her - while staying connected through eye contact and all that other good stuff that creates and maintains emotional intimacy between humans. For these divinely and globally aware men, it is natural to focus almost exclusively on their partner's pleasure, and therefore not have to confront the more unknown or scary territories of their masculinity.
The depth of masculine primal expression is wild and dangerous territory. So often in our culture (and increasingly around the world) the only visible expression of the primal masculine is destructive, power-over and fear-driven. It is no wonder that the sensitive, awake, concerned life-loving, true gentle-man wants NOTHING whatsoever to do with it! And yet, we need this side of him in the world as much as we need his generous lover. But we need it in service of life, as powerful protector and lover of Beauty, of the feminine, of the young and the old, of the wild world and of the wild within his own psyche.
The only human expression that has ever literally brought me to my knees is this primal masculine expression of unleashed rage in service of life, in service of a man's longing for free authentic expression of his truth. It is breath-taking. And it is necessary to the survival (and thriving) of humanity.