Mentorship for Couples

We live in a society that offers endless erroneous, and often conflicting, messages, expectations and support when it comes to finding and sustaining vibrant, generative, soulful intimate partnership. And we are attempting intimate partnership in a society that has gutted its communities and villages, so the person(s) who occupy the very precious real estate of the intimate partner has a lot of pressure to be the one and only. In this role we must be all things for and to each other; the muse, the provocateur, the lover, the co-parent, the business partner, the best friend and more.

In this model we often miss what might be the most important reason to partner with someone under such impossible circumstances – to support and nourish us to be the most radical and unique expression of ourselves in The World. The strongest partnerships are often the ones that have an agreement – they are not here to be the safe-haven or the comfortable companion. They are here to help inspire, reflect, provoke and support as we go about the critical work of loving The World in the specific and essential ways that are ours alone to do.

Especially given the state of the world, both the natural and human layers, it is so very important that we remember we are here to serve, to help hospice what is dying and midwife what is gestating. In this way our intimate partnerships have the opportunity, and the responsibility, to be intimate ecologies of profound wellness. There is nothing romantic about this. But there must be a tremendous amount of erotic intelligence flowing in and out of the partnership field. This takes intention, attention and dedication.

For this to be possible the partnership itself needs support, inspiration, reflection and provocation. This is where mentorship comes in. As a mentor I am not fighting for your marriage. Unlike couple therapy, my singular focus is to help you see the unique nature of your partnership as it exists to serve a wider purpose. We will identify where broken and unhelpful narratives are derailing the intelligence and generativity of your connection. Certainly, we may weave in current language and tools from the therapeutic models. The lens of adult attachment can be useful but it’s not the holy grail. Nor is the framework of trauma and wound. While our wounds are the primary culprits when it comes to what derails our relationships, a focus on them will not help us find new patterns of relating. Often, spending time on what is brilliantly well is the very thing that will atrophy the wound patterns.

However, what I’m describing is not for everyone. Couples Mentorship is for initiated adults in intimate partnership. That narrows down the field tremendously because very few of us have had the opportunity to reach true soulful, initiated adulthood. If you feel you have reached this stage in your personal development, and you’d like to explore the possibility of mentorship, please reach out and let me know. We will have an informal conversation to see if this kind of support is right for you.